Why I love Home Education and always will.

I think I am what is classed as one of the “new era” wave of Home Educators, amongst long standing Home Edders. I’ve been Home Educating for around two years now.So why am I a “new era” Home Edder? Well, because rather than knowing all about Home Education and raising my children in the knowledge I was always going to educate them myself, I fell about the knowledge and possibility to Home Educate because I had to look for alternative paths of education for my daughter. At the time she was 8 years old and as my 3rd child, it was obvious there were difficulties.

As far as Home Educating my other children, I do so out of choice. Wild horses wouldn’t drag me back into that system again. I had no idea what I was missing or what my children were missing.  This way of life really sparked the grey matter and relieved my family from the tedium of walking through the cloud of cigarette smoke at the school gates everyday with tired children who had been awoken far too early and had to eat breakfast before they felt they wanted it because of time restrictions.

Many families are finding themselves in the same position as I found myself in. A child with SEND, undiagnosed with neither the NHS nor the school interested in helping as either way, someone has to find extra funds. A parent trying to be polite until they end up having to take action either by starting complain procedures or removing their child from mainstream schooling. Unbeknown to many, Home Education actually suits a large portion of SEND children because they can differentiate their learning so they get the most out of it. Previous to Home Education my daughter was so far behind, over 2 academic years actually. She was anxious, self harming, wouldn’t take part in the classroom for anything and it got to the point where every day was a battle. So what is medically wrong with her? She has Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Visual Stress and a recommendation that she likely has Dyspraxia. In my mind, all identifiable or at least common enough for a school to realize the area of struggle. No one ever did mention a thing. No one ever managed to listen long enough to try and work it out. It was only recently after paying for a private assessment that we got some answers. We still await many more.

There is a happier part to that story and the daughter who was so withdrawn from education, her own life, now takes an active roll and knows that if there is a maths problem or a comprehension problem she doesn’t understand, we will find another way for her to absorb that knowledge. She also gets more physical activity now, which strengthens the core and is very important for someone with the issues she has.

In two years we have gone from having to peel a child from a school wall to get her into class, to a smiling girl who sees a future, who has hope and who wants to live every day. She now reads, writes. If she doesn’t know something, she initiates research. She has an active roll in her own education and it makes such a difference.

Of course that is one child out of four and I better not go any further into the demise of mainstream education for SEND or this will no longer be a post about my love for Home Education. Be assured you will read posts about that subject also.

So, my eldest was always mainstream educated. She never had any interest in joining us in our Home Education journey and that was okay with us. The whole of their lives I have tried to make sure their individualities flourished as it can be easy to just be pulled along in life when you are a large family. She was at an Academy and they have for a while been a bit silly with their ego power trips. It came to a head when they refused her her human rights and so she decided herself that she would prefer to be Home Educated. She has her studies enriched via college courses.

My No2 was schooled and decided to join us as Home Educated almost immediately. After spending over 18 months with us, she decided she wanted to know the allure that was Secondary school. I miss her being Home Educated but I facilitate my children’s requests when they can be met. Currently she is doing well and always at the top of her classes. I personally cringe every time she tells me she had to ask permission for a drink of water or to take a blazer off when they are too hot but she knows her choices now, unlike most of the children in the UK who never get asked.

Then there is the baby of the family, my son. He attended nursery but has had no mainstream full time education. He hated nursery. He loved the other little children and the play but already, there was a teacher shouting at him when he mixed up numbers 1-20. He was 4 years old and he is very hyperactive so always thinking of the next activity. Being able to move helps him learn and keep his interest. He is a natural born fidget. His whole education is on my shoulders but I see that as a challenge and because of that, I can see his growth and know we got there together. He loves some of the colourful educational programs that are helping him learn to read and grasp maths among other things.

We’ve had a brilliant 2 years where for the first time in years we have had a positive outlook as a whole family. We have visited many places, both for education and fun. We have met people from all across the UK as we get invites to events for other Home Educating groups and we go for day trips over 100 miles away. Going to a “local” meetup here, ends up with us making friends with people who live 40 miles away. Yet we have the bonus of keeping some great friends local also.

Since we started, I have helped out in one of our local groups and we have seen that grow immensely. We have a few events we do regularly such as the Cinema, RollerSkating, iJump, Climbing etc. So many willing volunteers and they all enrich our community. I’m proud to be part of a progressive group.

15th October Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day Is Time To Reflect

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These days it always seems as if each day has a “special meaning” and in some ways it desensitizes everyone. However “National Cheese Toasty” or “Wear Your  Pink Socks To Work” day do not have anywhere near the same, sometimes painful, heart-wrenching connections that the 15th October; Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day has ,for what most would see an obviously sensitive reason.

Why would I choose to write about this subject though? Well as everyone who knows me sadly knows, I am a member of the “club no one wants to belong to”. I’ve been a member for over 16 years…17 in February. Most know I am a member because never will I ever stop classing my son as a member of my family because well..he is! Never will I stop posting statuses on my social media when I feel like sharing my memories or thoughts about him, just like I do with my living children. That doesn’t come free from overthinking about other people’s perceptions however. As with anything you post on social media, it invites thought and opinion from others.

So why write anything at all on social media? Well, I have found thankfully that it is not only myself who has a strong desire and need to talk about my son and my loss. There is therapy and love in talking about losing a baby. It feels so hard and lonely when you feel you are unable to discuss what has happened. Somehow it feels as a mother that your child’s existence is being denied in some way. When people shift and squirm and try and stop the conversation, it hurts.

If it is a Saturday evening when I happen to write something, people assume I have had a drink and become melancholy. Whilst this does happen, it is not a typical reason for me, rather a coincidence. If I share something because it is special, I realize a large audience ignore it or pass it by as they either do not care or do not feel connected to it. Some simply do not know what to write or how to respond. Many other kind and loving friends will write “Thinking of you” or “Hugs” which actually make me step back and think “Ooh I didn’t write that to get sympathy, I merely wanted to share a special moment or thought”. I got such a response today for posting a quote for this special day. How can I expect a certain response from them when sometimes my own emotions overwhelm me when I think I finally have control over my experience?!

I have far to many friends who are in this club beside myself and it’s not that type of club where that is something you want. If you are reading this and are also a member, you have a knowing heartfelt recognition from myself of your pain. For many years I struggled just to get through daily life it was so painful. My son was 23 weeks, 6 days, 22 hours and 50 minutes gestation when he was born sleeping. For me in the UK it meant he was 1 hour and 10 minutes away from being registered and having a birth and death certificate. Even now that really stings. Don’t know why really as I don’t typically stand for many official pomp but part of me feels being so close, both he and I were robbed of his standing in history.

I am always thinking of the poor women that will suffer the same fate in the near future and so I try and offer love and kindness the best way I can. It’s not so much when it happens as I don’t think any such trinkets would make one iota of meaning compared to your child. In fact I know it doesn’t but it does when you are slowly mending and are desperate for any special keepsake from that very short moment with your baby. It can be a scan photo, a foot print, cord clamp, certificate or blanket and booties. That is why I choose to try and do something positive with my grief and my skills and am crocheting blankets and other items for our local hospital and connected charity. So, today is a day for myself to reflect and remind myself that I can offer kindness and compassion for other women experiencing what I had to.

Here is a moment of thought to all our much loved and much missed babies. We love and miss you always.x